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Aunt Polly's Weddin' 



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— BY— 
Mrs. Kate Bailey 



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OCT 12 1921 



©CI.0 588;J8 TMP92-008601 



STAGE 

1 — J. & W. 2 — Jones News 

3— A. P. & B. M. 5— Robert Briggs 

4— J. &S. 8— L. &J. 

6— Door 7— J. E. 9— Door 

10— Kitty 

11— Stand 13— U. J. 15— Bill 

12— Staff 14— A. C. A. 

Front 



AUNT POLLY'S WEDDIN' 

Aunt Polly — Dressed very neat, but odd and old fashioned. 

Joshua — high boots, trousers in boots, high hat. 

Rosie Lee — Prim old maid, cork screw curls. If, Aunt Polly 
is stout, Rosie must be thin — very different. 

Steve — Best Man, — Plainly dressed. 

Jim the Parson — Very nearly dressed, gloves and book. 

Aunt Cynthia Ann — Very odd and old fashioned. Small haf 
tied under chin, grips, bags and hand boxes. A bridal outfit in grip 

Silly Bill — Knee pants, hose different colors, short coat, smaD 
hat, hair parted in middle, (if no wig is available,) toothless. 

Uncle Joe — Very plainly dressed, old fashioned, with cob pipe 
and big package of tobacco. 

Aunt Sally — A neat old aunt. 

Uncle Jerry — A neat old gent, with cane. 

Liza and Jane — Dressed up-to-date. 

Nancy, Jake and Em — Neatly dressed. 

John and wife — Neatly dressed. 

Lou Staff — A dude; cane, paper, a book to take down items. 

Jones, News, Roberts and Briggs — All neatly dressed. 

Aunt Polly — Bride. 

Joshua Riddle — Bride Groom. 

Rosie Lee — Bride's maid. 

Steve — Best Man. 

Jim — The Parson. 

Uninvited Guests — Aunt Cynthia Ann, Silly Bill, her son. Uncle 
Joe. 

Kitty — Aunt Polly's neice. 

Invited Guests — Cousins: Aunt Sally, Uncle Jerry, Liza, Jane, 
Nancy, Jake, Em, John and wife. Neighbors: Jones, News, Roberts, 
Briggs. 

Lou Staff — Paper correspondent. 

AUNT POLLY'S WEDDIN\ 

Aunt Polly — Now as I was jest a sayin' before as you know that 
I am to be married and the happy man is to be Joshua Riddle, I do 
say he is some riddle, one of the funniest and cuteish riddles I ever 
tried to work. (Kitty, she worked him alright.) We are goin^ to 
have a weddin' and it will bo right here in r-^y cv/n house and 
I'm wantin' you to act as a receiver of the ccmrany. 

Kitty — Oh yes, you want me to act as hostess. 

Aunt P. — Yes, you are to act as door keeper and help in any 
way you kin. 

Kitty — Well who are to be the guests? 

Aunt P. — Well, (stops and sighs) we want all our kin folks on 



both sides of the house, mine and Joshua's both. We both have a 
powerful lot of kin. 

Kitty — Well, Aunt Cynthia Ann, she comes first. She's your 
mother's sister, isn't she. 

Aunt P. — Yes, she's my mother's sister, but I don't want her, 
she'd spoil the whole weddin' ; she talks too much. 

Kitty — Uncle Joe, you'll want him, he is such a dear old gent. 

Aunt P. — No, not on your tintype do I want him, he couldn't 
leave his pipe alone long enough to 'tend a weddin'. I've waited too 
long to get married to have my weddin' spiled by an old smokin' 
uncle. 

Kitty — (aside) (And she wants all her kin.) Well, Aunt Polly, 
who do you want? 

Aunt P. — There is Cousin Liza, Cousin Jane, Cousin Nancy, 
Cousin Em, (sighs), Oh yes, and Cousin John and his wife, they will 
all bring something nice for a weddin' present. 

Kitty— (Oh, I see.) Who next? 

Aunt P. — You might put Aunt Jerimina's name donw, she won't 
c ome, she's too feeble. Bi-.t we'll ask her anyway, (sighs.) But she 
wouldn't bring aything if she did come. 

Kitty— Aunt Sally? 

Aunt P. — Yes, jot her name down. 

Kitty — And Uncle Jerry? 

Aunt P. — Yes, give him an invite. 

Kitty — Aunt Parthinia? 

Aunt P. — No! She don't get no stool to my weddin'. She's been 
frymg all these years to get Joshua and now she's not goin' to get 
a chance the last minute. 

Kitty — Isn't that about all the relations? What about your 
friends and neighbors? 

Aunt P. — We'll invite a few. 

Kitty — The (Brown's) (name som.e one here with a small fam- 
ily that can take a joke) 

Aunt P. — No indade! We'll not ask the (Browns) there's too 
Diany in the family to feed and they wouldn't bring any presents any 
vray. 

Kitty — The Smith's (name some quiet famjly that can take a 
^^ke.) 

Aunt P. — No, we won't ask the (Smith) tribe, they get to go 
; o everything that comes along, we'll jest fool 'em this time, they al- 
rvays talk too much any v/ay. 

Kitty — The Jones? 

Aunt P. — Yes, we'll ask them. You remember when Joshua 
had that (stops), Oh the Doctor called it pend-in-side-ways. He said 



the Jones came right over and put hot mush polltice on him and help- 
ed him right away. We'll give 'em an invite. Joshua might have a 
back set some time and they wouldn't come, bein' we didn't invite 
them to our weddin' 

Kitty — Yes, folks do have more than one attack of appendicitis 
— who else? 

Aunt P. — Oh the Briggs, News, and Roberts. 

Kitty— Are you going to have a bridesmaid? 

Aunt P. — I'll swan, I plum fergot that. I'll have Rosie Lee for 
it, she's kinder pretty. Some thinks she looks like me. 

Kitty — Best man and the parson? 

Aunt P. — Oh, Joshua will look after that. 

Kitty Well, if that is all the invitations, you had better leave 

me while I get the invitations ready. 



CURTAIN 

Second Scene — Room decorated for wedding, very old fash- 
ioned. 

Kitty Wellj here I am after two weeks oi work getting ready 

for Aunt Polly's v/edding. I had some time arranging the invita- 
tions and the dinner. Aunt Polly didn't want this one and that one 
invited and she wanted things just so for her dinner and now I am 
waiting to receive the guests. I do ho^^e rothing ha -^^^ ens t:^ s^oi] 
Aunt Polly's i iars. She has waited a long time to find a husband 
and I hore this wedding is a wonderful success. I don't think on ^ 
should wait as long as Aunt Polly did to get married. I don't int':n:] 
to if I can find some one or get them to find me. You know when 
folks wait so long to marry they get so firm in their ways. Now 
Aunt Polly just wouldn't hear to Aunt Cynthia Ann being invited. 
I know she talks a lot, so does Aunt Polly, but who among us are 
faultless. We should learn to look over one another's faults. Aunt 
Polly and Aunt Cynthia Ann are both like children. (Knock.) Oh, 
there is some one right now. (goes to door.) (Enter Aunt Cynthia 
and Silly Bill. Bill has stick of candy. Aunt C. A. has grips, band 
boxes, bags, etc.) 

Aunt C. A. — I jest hearin' about Polly goin' to get married, says 
1 to Bill, we'll jest go over. (Bill to Kitty, want taste my candy.) 
Now Bill you be good. Polly never sent me no invite, but knowin' 
how wimin folks are when there're getin' ready to get married, I al- 
lown she forgot me. But I'm not f eelin' bad a toll. I 'member when 
John and me was goin' get married I most forgot everything I 
knowed. After John was taken from me I never jest found anyone 
to take his place. If I didn't have little Willie here, he's sich a com- 
fort to me. (While talking she places bags, grips and boxes around.) 

Kitty — (aside) (Of all things Aunt Polly didn't want was her to 



attend this wedding) . 

Bill — Ma, you want to lick my candy? 

Aunt C. A. — I know Polly will be glad I come. I brought her 
a nice kiver for a kettle (unwraps cover) knowin* she'd be needin' 
one. 

Kitty — Won't she be glad. 

Aunt C. A. — You know I've been knowin' Polly a long time, how 
she's been tryin' for the last twenty years to get Joshua. I guess 
she's jest the same as got him now. 

Kitty — Well, she'll make him a good wife. 

Aunt C. A. — Yes, but I guess Parthinia would of like to go^i 
him (a knock.) 

Kitty — Some one else. (Kitty goes to door, enter Uncle Joe 
with pipe in mouth.) 

Kitty — Of all things, what anG 1 to do, both are here and neith- 
er are wanted. (Bill offers Joe candy.) 

Uncle Joe — I hearin you'se havin' a weddin' here, bein as I was 
Polly's father's brother I jest came over to take his place, (sits down 
and smokes.) 

Aunt C. A. — I guess Joe you will have to be best man, bein' your 
Polly's father's brother and me bridesmaid, bein' I'm her mother's 
sister. 

Bill — Wipe my hands, ma, the're sticky. 

Kitty — I think Aunt Polly has all arrangements made. 

Uncle J. — Well I'm her father's brother and I may be best man 
r:-yself. 

Aunt C. A. — I guess Parthina will be con. in' along pretty soon, 
(a knock.) 

Kitty — I do hope thic is scnic one : loasant. (goes to door, en- 
ter Liza and Jane.) 

Kitty — Come right in, find chairs and make yourselves com- 
fortable. Pretty evening isn't it? 

(Bill goes over to girls, want a bite candy.) 

Uncle Joe — (Moves over towards Aunt C. A.) Kinder high ter 
flutten fer me. 

Aunt C. A. — I don't know what they wantin' to be pokin their 
selves in here for, we wasn't wantin 'em. 

Kitty — Liza you might sing for us while we are waiting for the 
other guests. (Liza sings some pretty love song. Uncle Joe relights 
nis pipe, Aunt C. A. looks sour.) 

Kitty — That v/as just fine. 

Aunt C. -A. to U. J. — She sings like a jay bird. 

Kitty — Jane haven't you a reading you could give us? 

Jane — Yes, Thank you, (a knock, Kitty goes to door, enter 
John and wife,) 

Kitty — Come right in and be seated. We were just about to 
enjoy one of Jane's fine readings. 



John and wife — Don't let us interfere, go right on. 

Janti — Thank you. (reads.) 

Aunt C. A. — Nothin' but a speech. I used to do that well. 

Uncle Joe — I'm goin' sing a song when they all get here, don't 
f erget that. 

Kitty — All right Uncle Joe, ( knock.) Kitty goes to door, en- 
ter Lou Staff. 

Lou — I am Mr. Staff, the (give name of town) newspaper cor- 
respodent. I heard there was to be a wedding here so I c^me over 
to get details, so I could put in a write-up about the wedding. 

Kitty — Be seated Mr. Staff and allow me to take your hat. 

Bill, to Mr. Staff — Want a bite of candy? 

Aunt C. A.- — Sit down Willie. Bein' that I am Polly's aunt I 
guess I kin tell you the things you have been wantin' to know. Now 
here's me come the first one on the dot, didn't get no writtin invite, 
but knowin' Polly was all fustrated, I jest came any- 
way. There's Joe, he's Polly's father's brother, he come 
next. He's goin' be best man and I reckon I'll be bridesmaid 
if there ain't too much hollerin, (Kitty,' there'll be hollerin' allright.) 
Yop see, Joshua and Polly's been a sparkin' nigh on to twenty years 
only what time he's been a goin' to see Parthinia Hicks, She almost 
beat Polly's time, but some how Polly's been a beatin' Parthinia's 
time, now there're goin to wed. (a knock) I kinder talked some my- 
self to Joshua after m_y John died (looks at U. J.) but I've been see- 
in some one else lookin better to me than Joshua. (Enters Nancy, 
Jake and Em with rarcels galore. While Kitty takes parcels and 
seats guests. Uncle Joe and Aunt C. A. get to talking to one another ) 
(Bill offers them candy.) 

Aunt C. A. — My land of time if there ain't Nancy, Jake and 
Em. Put that down, Mr. uaper man, they are Polly's papa's cous- 
ins, that makes them Polly's second cousins. We v\^ant a big writeup 
about this weddin' and don't leave any kin out. (A knock, enters 
Aunt Sally and Jerry.) 

Aunt C. A. — And here comes Sally ^nd Jerry. They're kin 
folks — put that down. Won't we have some write-up about this 
weddin, (looks at U. J.) I kinder like to be a bride at a weddin. (A 
knock, enters Jones, News and Roberts) 

Kitty — Introduces them all. 

Aunt C. A. — These 'ere folks are jest some of Polly's neighbors, 
put that down Mr. pa^^er man, this goin' be some affair. I pit nigh 
had a notion not to come I wanted to go over to (Brownes, give home 
name) and tell about (Jim and Nelle) goin^ get married. I'm a fer- 
ried someone will tell it first but near everybody is here. 

(Enter Aunt Polly and Bridesmaid. Bill offers them candy.) 

Aunt P. — Howdy, glad to see youse all here. (All rise and say 
something about her looking nice.) 

Aunt C. A. to Uncle Joe — I don't see nothin' flattern about 



her. Look at me, I once wasent a bad looker. 

Uncle J. — ^You ain't changed much to me Cynthia Ann. 

Aunt C. A. — Don't be foolish Joe. (A knock, enter Joshua, 
Steve, best man,) 

Kitty — Introduces some of the folks. 

Aunt Polly — As there is a few minutes before the parson arrives 
let us have a little singin'. 

Bill— I'll sing. 

Uncle Joe — Not you — I'll sing. 

(Kitty talks confidential to Aunt P.) Uncle Joe sings. 

Kitty — That was fine Uncle Joe. 

Bill — Let me sing (offers Kitty candy.) 

Kitty — Not now Bill. Aunt Cynthia Ann can't you sing? (A 
song.) 

Kitty— Now Jane can't you give us another reading? 

Bill — Let me sing. 

Kitty — Jane will read for us. 

(As many songs, readings etc., as you may want here.) 

Aunt P. — Sh, sh, sh, — The Parson. 

Kitty — Goes to door brings in Parson, introduces to all. 

Parson — If all the parties concerned in this marriage are ready 
the ceremony will now be performed. 

Uncle Joe — Say preacher, as I am Polly's father's brother I'm 
goin' be best man at this wedding. 

Joshua — I have my best man — points to Steve. 

Aunt C. A. — Yes and I'm goin' be bridesmaid. 

Aunt Polly-^Now as this 'ere is my weddin' I want no interfere- 
in' with my plans. (Uncle Joe and Aunt C. A. gets heads together.) 

Aunt Polly — All to places, we're goin' have the knot tied. 

Uncle Joe — Wait a minute Parson we're jest about to have a 
double weddin' here, (turns to Aunt C. A.) What you say Cynthia 
Ann. 

Aunt C. A. — I've notion to say yes. 

Aunt P. — What do you mean by a double weddin'. 

Bill — (aside) She means a wooden weddin'. 

Uncle Joe — Why Cynthia Ann and me are notion to get hitched 
too. 

(Aunt Polly consults Kitty.) 

Kitty — Oh, I believe I'd let it go that way, maybe Uncle Joe 
will lay his pipe down that long. 

Parson — If all are ready we will proceed with the wedding 

Aunt C. A. — Wait a minute (oi:ens gri:s, band boxes, finds hat, 
V3il and dress complete.) I jest fixed these so I'd have them ready 
any time some one asked me to marry, (puts on things) Ain't I 
: urty Joe? 

Uncle Joe — You're some pumpkins. 

Parson — All stand while the ceremony is performed. 



CEREMONY 



Parson — Please cross your feet. You are about to assume the 
vows of wedded life. Joshua Riddle, have you ever had a wife be- 
fore? (Joshua, no never had no desire for one.) Well don't let 
any one interfere with your wife's affairs, see that she keeps the 
house right, does the cooking, milks the cows, and everything that a 
wife ought to do. (To the bride) Aunt Polly have you ever been 
jined in wedlock before. (Aunt P. — No he never asked me.) 

Aunt Polly you see that you don't cook more than your lovin' 
husband furnishes you to cook. If he loves you, love him, and al- 
ways please him if it pleases you. 

I now pronounce you man and wife in the name of Brown 
Smith and as sure as Jimmy Green will marry Rosie McGee. 

(After ceremony) — Aunt Polly makes speech to crowd. All 
sing. 

Bill — Want a bite of candy? 



CURTAIN. 



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